Spa Day!

I know, I know.  Been way too long since I blogged.  Slap my paw now.  I’m sorry but being a cute and entertaining tripod is lots of hard work and I just don’t know where the time goes!  There are too many toys to play with, bones to chew, squirrels to bark at, naps to take and  too many opportunities to annoy Mama when she is reading.  I hate when she does this!  It means I am not getting attention.  So I show Mama how upset I am by literally plopping my cute butt right on top of whatever she is reading so she HAS to pay attention to me, even if it is to give me an exasperated “Oh, Zippy!  Can’t you see I’m trying to read? ”  Uh, yeah.  Duh!  Why do you think I am planting myself right in the middle!  So anyway, before you know it, months have gone by and I realize I have neglected my blogging duties.

Summer has pretty much arrived in Indiana so that means lots of opportunities for me to get outside and not only soak up the sun, but get extra stinky and dirty when I decide to role in goodness knows what, or dig like mad at a mole hole.  Mama lets me dig but tells me I am silly because usually the mole is long gone but I gotta make an effort anyway to show Mama and my canine brothers how tough I am.  I even bite out chunks of dirt and grass to help me dig faster.   All this digging and rolling means only one thing though, I get dirty and stinky and before you know it, I am being whisked into house for what Mama calls “Spa Day.”   Some parts of Spa Day are actually pretty fun but some, like actually getting wet in the bathtub, I could do without.

Spa Day starts like any good Spa Day.  With a manicure/pedicure, or mani-pedi as the sophisticated, hip folks call it.   My nails stay pretty short and ground down because we walk a lot on the street and my hippity-hoppy gait helps keep my nails short.  But sometimes they still need a going over.  Mama sits down on the couch and I hop onto her lap and stick my good front paw out, something like this:

Out comes the emery board and Mama files away.  I don’t mind it but we have one strict rule:  ABSOLUTELY NO nail polish on these toes!!   File all you like but if that bottle of OPI nail polish comes anywhere near my toes, we’re gonna have a problem.  I get teased enough by my brothers for getting my nails filed in the first place.  Jasper would have a field day and never let me live it down if I had my nails painted.  I am a little bit of a dainty fella, but even I draw the line at toenail paint.  That is for girls!

After the mani/pedi is over, it’s time for The Bath.  This is my least favorite part of Spa Day.  Getting wet is not really my scene, ya know?  Not cool.  I don’t even go off the carport if it is sprinkling.   I feel and look like a drowned rat.  I take every opportunity to escape the tub.  If Mama turns her back for even a second, out I go, and run through the house sopping wet, looking for a place to hide.  Have yet to find a place to hide where Mama can’t find me so the end result is I end up back in the tub.  Sigh.   The shampoo part is a little better though because Mama gives me a massage at the same time so it kinda feels good.  I’d never tell her that though, I like maintaining the image that I hate a bath.  Good for my reputation.

Finally, the icky tub part of The Bath is over and then comes The Blow Dry.    This is my most favorite thing in the world!   I want to kiss whoever invented that nifty gadget called a  hair dryer.  Man, what an awesome piece of electronics and engineering!  I don’t even mind the noise of it, just love the fact that it spits out warm air on my fur.  And that Mama massages me even more as she is drying me, making sure I’m good and dry.  Ah, what a feeling!  I would sit there all day and let her blow dry my hair if we both had the time.  Remember, I’m a busy guy being cute so….

Sometimes though, Mama gets a little overzealous with the hair dryer and I end up looking like either a reject from the 80’s Big Hair Days or like I just stuck my one good front paw in a light socket:

Mama says I look cute, that Big Hair used to be The Thing.  Whatever!  I’m scared one of these days she is going to whip out the hair gel and hairspray and really go to town.  That could get ugly.

Now I am filed, fluffed, plucked, pampered and just in general, looking like one fine specimen.  To top off Spa Day, I get some doggie cologne to just add to my charm.  They say it attracts the ladies, but it ain’t working for me!  The only lady ever told me I smell good is Mama.  Oh well, maybe one day my aroma and handsomeness will bring me a hot poodle or something.  I can dream. 

It’s hard work though, being so pampered, then acting like a crazy boy because I know I am looking fine and Mama keeps fawning over me, telling me how pretty I am.  Such hard work that it usually requires I take a nap, usually in my fave spot which is the sunshine spot on the Big Bed.

That’s all I got for now.  I know you will be waiting with breathless anticipation for my next post blasting my words of wisdom.  Zippy, Out.